During my engagement I received numerous notes of marriage advice as I had hoped to when tying the knot. Written words were filled with encouragement and inspiration from experienced women of God on how to build a marriage. How to keep the marriage healthy. How to fight fair with your spouse but to fight hard when the devil tries to attack the sanctity of the marriage with Spiritual Warfare.
One that I received during a bridal shower was on a notecard. But to be honest I did not receive it well into my heart.
It read:
“Love is a choice”
Love is a choice! Who would write this?
Does this person think I am not in love enough?
Will we one day loose passion and will need to choose to “just” love each other?
I took an offense to the note that had no name on it.
Love is a choice….. What did that even mean?
Well as marriage progressed, I began to learn what choosing to love my husband really was…
It was me making the choice to love him when he didn’t meet my needs
Or when he got on my nerves for not helping me when I thought he should’ve.
It’s me choosing to respect him even when I don’t agree with his decisions.
Or when I thought he made poor assumptions on a situation.
On days he starts laundry but will not finish it I have to choose to not yell or start a fight.
I had to choose love during the nights I sat in my bed to pout and to nitpick at all his faults. I had to decide to not move till I could think of at least three things he has done for our family even when it was hard for him to do it.
Daily, I have to choose to wake up and be thankful for the man he has become and has been.
I chose to love him when all else in my mind that should or could work seemed to fail.
No matter the standard I thought he should be meeting, I had to choose… will I love him anyways?
At the end of the day, Anthony is still the one that was prayed for. He is still the one I know fully well that God gave me.
It’s funny how confident we can be one day he is the man for us then when we feel like our cup is not being overfilled by them as a husband, we quickly wonder if we were meant to marry.
Learning more about Spiritual Warfare is what made me start becoming intentional in my choices as a wife.
When my eyes were open to see my husband as who God intended him to be for me and with me then I was able to recognize what was really spiritual warfare versus what I was building my walls against him due to my own decision.
Gaining knowledge of Spiritual Warfare means your spiritual eyes and ears are open.
You become intimate with the holy spirit and even when you are most upset in your marriage, the holy spirit will show you areas to be sensitive to. You will begin to feel more convictions as a wife that you probably never felt before. (Convictions to grow you not to cause condemnation).
Convictions from the holy spirit is meant to stop you in your tracks to refocus. To look at the bigger picture. You will begin to where see your husband did not really mean to upset you. He truly did not know it would hurt you. He may have bad habits but how many habits do you have that is hard for him to get used to and he does not complain about it?
And if it is Spiritual Warfare that your marriage is experiencing, the holy spirit will reveal it to you. On top of that you will be drawn to pray with compassion and with a godly love for marriage.
I was so focused on protecting my marriage from the devil attacking it that I never considered if I was attacking it.
When anything was going wrong, “The devil was attacking”.
Don’t get me wrong, the devil does not like when two saved people marry each other under the hand of God. A godly marriage means you have a high percentage of your marriage enduring spiritual attack at least once.
A marriage that stands on the word of God and follows the Lord’s leading is a strong force and the enemy hates it.
But is it always the enemy disrupting the marriage?
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What I hope to get at in this post is that, there has to be a place of maturity where we learn to ask ourselves, “Is it really the devil or is it me?”
A marriage brings in two upbringings, two insights, two different mindsets, two views of marriage. When we marry, we must become one but becoming one does not just happen.
The spiritual part, yes! Becoming one under the hand of God becomes instant but what made that happen?
Us saying yes to His will to marry the husband He blessed us with is what made us ONE. It was a choice we chose to make.
Side note: I feel some readers may be thinking, but I didn’t make that choice. “I was told it was best to marry him so I did. It was pressured to me to marry. I wasn’t mature enough to make a decision like marriage which therefore makes me feel like I was not the one to make the logical decision.”
Been there, done that, trust me! So, I am going to use sensitivity and let you know, I understand but you are here reading this post for a reason. You clicked a post about encouraging marriage and that alone is a HUGE step towards repairing and resolving. It means even with all your thoughts that this marriage was not exactly what you wanted or envisioned, you still want to know how to proceed in the marriage. Keep reading, keep seeking God, and continue pressing forward in all that you do!
Self-reflect and seek God for a spiritual plan to edify your marriage whether it’s for the purpose of you growing as a wife or to defeat the devil in this specific battle.
Not sure if it is you or the devil attacking your marriage? Ask yourself these questions.
- Do you respectfully allow your husband to speak, or do you interrupt him when he is speaking?
- Do you personally feel offended easily with not just your husband but with others consistently?
- Are you neglecting time alone with God daily?
- Have you neglected prayer for your marriage consistently?
- Are you praying prayers to fix him but not to build your marriage?
If you are answering yes to these questions, start time alone with God today. Make this a priority. Seek Him about you then about your marriage.
The Power of the Praying Wife is by far one of my favorite marriage books to suggest to wives but strangely enough I almost did not like it the first time I read it, and you know why?
Because it made me look at myself. The first chapter is the longest chapter in the book, and it is about reflecting on ourselves as a woman of God and as a wife.
But when we become confident in who we are, we can confidently walk as a wife.
We are also able to easily discern personal feelings about our marriage versus spiritual warfare in our marriage. Believe me when I say this…. Spiritual Warfare and the battles we start ourselves are two completely different battle plans so it is vital to learn both sides, so we are always ready to fight the right battle.
I loved reading this post very encouraging makes you look at your self which is never easy . I would like to know what you would say to me when I tell you the lord spoke to me and said if I marry this man he will make you miserable I didn’t listen and I’ve been miserable for nine years sticking out because iam embarrassed to go through a divorce not sure what God is telling me now . What is your advice ?
Truthfully that is what happened to me in my first marriage. I did not listen, and I did end up in divorce though I was not the one that pursued it. Though I can empathize with your feelings, I am a firm believer in working on marriage first and foremost. From there trust God to lead the way for the marriage and you. I wish I could give you a better definite answer to your situation but only God can do that. I can only pray for you and your marriage. Please know I am doing so right now
Carmen,
I have read countless blog posts about marriage. I often came across God wanting to change the wife. The wife is more loving, prayerful, etc. What about the husband? I keep looking at what would God do with the husband In the Bible? The Bible says , “ he should love us like his body.” (Ephesians 4). How about you’re the one doing all the praying?you eventually get tired and worn. Instead of two, there is one (trying) to spend time with God. You begin to think: spiritual warfare or rushed into a country decision? I don’t know what made him deter from God. I fell in love with him because of his passion for God. I saw myself growing together in Jesus. Other things hold his heart and attention now. We have a baby which is challenging on many levels. I’m trying to balance everything. I take out my emotions on him. Anyways , I wonder would God would ever change the other spouse or it’s you to change only? It seems like the husbands never change but the wives do.. Honestly , I doNt feel like love is what I should have in marriage anyways. I’m suppose to be the one giving it; not getting it back. I’m focusing on doing my purpose now. Thank you for answering the call and sharing your gift through your writing.
Well, this hit pretty close to home. Just last week the Holy Spirit clearly convicted me of pulling the mote out of my husband’s eye, when there was a beam in my own eye (Matthew 7:3)! Love is a choice, not only with our husband, but also with the people around us.
You are absolutely right! Love is a choice. We must choose each day to get up and love others. We are not perfect but that is why God shows us what grace and repentance it and that we all have opportunity for it in our marriage, in relationships with family and friends, with co-workers, with our children…. Thank you for your comment. So glad, it touched you!
Thank you Jesus, for moving Carmen in your wonderful spirit of wisdom in her blogs. Father God continue to make way and favor as she keeps speaking life to many through her blog.
Thank you so much for that prayer!
Thank you! That is so true and something we often forget!
Girl…that prayer is on point! I’m gonna have to put that up in my war room.