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What My Dad Taught Me About Parenting. MarriedbyHisGrace.com

Spending Time with your Children Elaboration:

In my last post of “5 Things a Stay at Home Mom should do everyday.” I mentioned spending time with your children everyday is a must. Correction, quality time is a must! I said I would elaborate on this. I believe quality time with your children is a top priority as a mother and essential for their development.  It is also important for your present and future relationship with them.

 


What my Dad taught me:

Train up a child the way he should go. Even when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverb 22:6


Years ago when I had my first child, my dad told me something that I now see as one of the best parenting advice I have ever been given; and with his experience of raising four children I continue to take it more and more seriously as time goes on.

He said, “What your child learns between the ages of 2 -5 is who they will become.”

He was generally speaking about everything across the board. What they learn about who their parents are, what affection is, social relations, manners, spirituality, intellectual habits, even what is overcoming in a traumatic situation. Unfortunately some parents or caregivers will need to show strength and a fearless attitude during tough times with a child that has been traumatize in any form to show there is victory. Remember you are their example of what overcoming is.

As I watch my children I completely see myself in them. Meaning, what I gave into them at a young age.

When I had my first daughter I was young, self seeking, constantly on the go, and felt mommy and me time was when I had the time. As a result, I now have to beg my daughter to sit down and have time with me. Don’t get me wrong…….we have a great relationship. She is a mature, nurturing, creative, strong young lady but there are seasons we have to push through and work on our bonding times.

With my second child, I became a little more involved. I was a few years older and was starting to desire the home life more. He’s my affectionate, passionate, determined child but also have strong emotions that he doesn’t always understand and needs help to work out sometimes.

Kind of like how I was at that point of time in my life. Sounds silly but true. I was determined for change and I was putting a lot of determination and passion into the two children for a change but it also came with days of confusions and hurt. My children unfortunately had to experience that with me.

Seven years later came my third child. Her pregnancy announcement came just one month after my husband and I decided that I was going to become a full time stay at home mom. I felt like I was becoming a new mom all over again. I wanted everything to be sterile, blush pink, organic, and to be what I considered perfect for a new baby coming into the home.

She is now 2 years old and definitely has quite a personality. She does not like to be messy, likes to see things in order, having a napkin during each sit down meal is a must or she wont start eating. She’s also affectionate, independent, and right on track for learning milestones.

None of my children are better than the other but I do personally believe there is a difference of outcome when you consistently take time out of the day to spend with your child one on one. They are soaking up everything they see and feel from you at that moment.

As for our fourth child, pray for us, as we learn and experience to raise four humble, graceful, strong, independent, peaceful children.


God created them.

Before I formed in your mothers womb I knew you. Jeremiah 1:5


All of our children are and will be different. God created them exactly who they are supposed to be but I’m sure we can all agree as parents that what we teach are children has a huge impact of who they will become.

I had a friend jokingly tell me, “I think you are a better mother with four kids than you were with two”.

I could’ve taken offense to that but I didn’t because I thought it spoke volumes to my growth. It may look like I handle four better than two to people that have known me and any sane person would say the math does not add up to that statement. The truth is I am better with four than I was with two because I grew with them.

Over time I learned and still learning to become a parent by allowing God to change me first so I can be a example to my children. The Lord showed me how to be patient and to give undivided attention to my children. Things that work for the good of the children ends up working better for you.

If you take time to spend quality time with your children you will see a happier and more content child which means less messes and tantrums. Children want to please their parents. When you give them undivided positive attention, they feel you are pleased with them, and they continue to be joyful for it. It’s the undivided attention during teach and play time that will build them up.


Experience is key.

When I saw, I reflected upon it; I looked, and received instruction. Proverbs 24:32


This is something I can talk about for hours because this is an area that I am passionate about. I have experienced it firsthand as a mother. And please take “experience” as the key word. I am not writing this to tell you I have a child phycology degree or know everything about child development. I am also not saying spending quality time with a child is the formula to a perfect kid. This post is only speaking out of practice of four children and what I have seen through analyzing myself of what type of parenting I was doing during those ages.

I reflected about how much and what kind of time I was really giving to my children. But to be able to see the big picture I had to seek the Lord and ask Him to show me.

When I became a stay at home mom I was determined to raise up my children in a godly home. I wanted to give it my all. To me that meant I had to reflect on myself and my children. I needed to see what their needs were to be able to do the job I am doing.


Pray with them.

The Lord is near to all that call on Him, to all that call on Him in truth. Psalm 145:18


I do want to leave you with this one last note. Pray for your children and with your children. Start from the womb if you can. Just start now no matter what age they are. The outcome of praying with them is abundantly prosperous.

Pray for their character and for them to become strong women and men of God. Go deep in prayer for their schools and friends. Pray for them to have good health all the days of their lives and for their own future spouses and children. Seek God to pray for whatever the Lord leads you to pray. Just Pray!


  • Thank you Dad for giving me the advice that you gave me over 13 years ago.  It encourages me all the time to give more to my children. Most of all, thank you for always being there for us kids! I love you!

What has your dad taught you that you now see a lot of truth and wisdom in? Share with us. Leave a funny story that gave you insight, a sentimental value to your family, or just a scripture. I  would love to read it!! : )

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6 Comments

  • Reply
    Kristen Harvey
    June 15, 2017 at 11:10 am

    This was such great advice at the exact time I needed it. I am now a SAHM and want to cherish and make the most of every moment. It’s so interesting to hear how your children’s personalities seem to correspond in some ways with the way you raised them from 2-5. Thank you for this!

    • Reply
      [email protected]
      June 15, 2017 at 8:17 pm

      Kristen, So glad you enjoyed the post and received something from it. Yes, my children are very much of how I was with them as a toddler. It definitely opened my eyes to so much as a parent!

  • Reply
    Erin@ www.burdenfreecaregiving.com
    March 13, 2017 at 6:39 am

    Wonderful story about your dad. That is so sweet and so touching. You are raising godly children who will impact our world mightily. Many b,easing a on you and your husband as you unify to children in such a wonderful, loving, and righteous atmosphere.
    Erin@ http://www.burdenfreecaregiving.com recently posted…Win New JewelryMy Profile

    • Reply
      [email protected]
      March 14, 2017 at 7:22 am

      Thank you Erin! My husband and I find it very important to teach our children about the word of God and to raise them in a atmosphere that exemplifies that. Thank you for reading and commenting!

  • Reply
    Karien
    August 10, 2016 at 9:29 am

    Hi Carmen, I am a new mother of a 3 week old boy. Thank you so much for sharing your articles. What struck me was UNDIVIDED attention. We are living in a world where cellphones are integrated in conversations. I do not want to miss out on my child and family moments. I would like to share a story from my childhood. When I was 11 the following question was asked.. What are you good at? My answer was: ” I am one of the most gifted people on earth.” No need to elaborate that my self esteem was healthy. Thank you Dad and Mom for encouraging us and building our self esteem. We figured out that our identity is in Christ. I pray with you for mothers’ choices daily and that I may raise my son in our home to be a strong man of God. Please continue sharing on your journey.

    • Reply
      marriedbyhisgrace@gmail.com
      August 10, 2016 at 9:51 am

      Wow, Karen! This truly encouraged me today! I love what you said when you were 11 years old. That is truly the work of our parents by building us up. We desire for our children to know they can conquer anything out there with the strength of God and that God designed them beautifully! Thank you so much for your comment. Truly brought some tears to me eyes. Just a great reminder to us moms of how much of a part we play in our children’s lives and we can either have them see God or not by everything we say and do! Many, many, blessings to you and your baby!!

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