Salt and Light Link Up

Salt & Light Link Up #19

For the Wife that wonders why she married.


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In between my first marriage and my marriage now, I did not date, speak, or look at another man. It was very important to me to completely heal from the hurt I had once endured in a marriage before I could ever consider another relationship.


This was hard. I was a woman in her late twenties that never desired singleness. It took so much discipline to not run to a man to feel attractive, needed, or wanted. It literally took a lot of Jesus in my life! But I knew it was going to be the best thing I could ever do for myself and it was.


Three and half years after my divorce, I met the man I am now married to. I remember the exact day, the Lord whispered in my ear, “This is the man you are going to marry”.  I received those words to be, “This is the exact man you prayed for. He is affectionate, understanding to all your feelings, and will give you all the things you ever wanted.”


Yes, I literally took God saying “This is the man you will marry” as “this is the man of your dreams.”


During the few years of singleness I specifically prayed, “Lord, do not allow any man come into my life till its the man I need.” But whoa… what I learned very quickly after marrying AJ is that the man I thought I needed was not the man that God thought I needed.


The first year of marriage consist of crying to God, “Why him? Why is he not affectionate like me? He is stubborn and do not listen to all my feelings. Why don’t we have the same visions of every situation? Is this what I was really supposed to wait for?”


One night during one of those selfish cries, God gave me a revelation. He said, “What makes you think he thinks you are perfect for him too? This is not what he thought marriage was going to be. He also had a perfect image of marriage and it didn’t include a wife putting high standards on him and talking down to him or the marriage.” That literally broke my heart and made me choose to make a change.


The first change was to see my husband through God’s eyes, not my own.


I was too blessed of a wife to not make a change for a man that was doing all that he could to give me a marriage that was on the foundation of Christ.


This is exactly why I choose Rosanna’s post this week as the feature. She literally described my first year of marriage. I’m pretty sure she described many of our marriages and the revelation that is much needed to many of us wives.


Here is Rosanna’s post featuring on Salt & Light Link Up…


Do you ever have times when you wonder why you got married?


I believe that all marriages go through ups and downs, ebbs and flows if you will. I know our marriage sure has.


Marriage isn’t easy. In fact, I think it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.


The truth is, I have been blessed with a wonderful husband. He loves me. He takes care of me. He works hard to provide for the family so that I can stay home.


Yet, I’ve seen the ups and downs in our 15 years of marriage.


About 4 or 5 years ago, I was really frustrated by my marriage.


My husband was always working.


My marriage just hadn’t turned out the way that I’d hoped.


I had fantasized about evenings spent together, exercising or reading the Word.


I had fantasized weekends spent entertaining or going out to be entertained.


Instead, I faced evenings alone because he had gone back to his office to work after spending time with the family.


Somehow the fact that he had spent time with the family wasn’t good enough.


My picture of marriage had been greatly influenced by Christian Romance novels. Those characters were so romantic. They were in good shape. They seemed like heroes in my eyes. Now I’m not saying that Christian Romance novels are wrong. Most would probably read them and take them with a grain of salt, thinking they were just stories.


Continue Post Here. 



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Married By His Grace

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Alisa Nicaud

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Carmen Brown

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Shannon Geurin

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Natalie Venegas

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Married By His Grace

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1 Comment

  • Reply
    Michele Morin
    September 21, 2017 at 5:11 am

    Thank you Carmen, for that introductory insight into your life and your present marriage. So often we have on our rose-colored glasses when we look at the marriages of others. I know your words are going to be a huge help to someone who has blinders on about her own husband’s hurts and disappointments.
    Michele Morin recently posted…Like the Sound of Many Waters — Jayber Crow Discussion (3)My Profile

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