I will never forget the day that I just knew it was the beginning to the end of my marriage. I was literally paralyzed from the realization. The pain in my stomach was heavy and overwhelming but the rest of my body was numb. I couldn’t stand from the floor that I had just lifted my head from screaming fiercely into as I profusely cried.
I woke up that morning with my husband next to me in bed. I got dressed for work and left the house early just like I would do any day but for some reason that particular day, I left the home with a heavy pain in the middle of my stomach. I was unsettled all day. I couldn’t figure out why. Why was fear overwhelming me that specific day?
My husband and I were now going on a year of constant arguing and throwing the word divorce into each others faces. It was the longest year of my life. It was rare to just have a normal day at that point. He was constantly leaving the home for days at a time every time we fought. We were at the point of living a lie. We worked more on looking good in front of people as a happy couple than we were trying to actually become a happy couple.
By lunch time, I worked up the courage to call my husband, no answer. I became sick, literally sick to my stomach as the phone continued to just ring. Hours later, I walked into our home and immediately felt emptiness. I ran to our bedroom and sitting right there on the nightstand was his wedding band. He had never left his wedding band behind. Every time he has left he never left his ring.
I sank to the ground and cried. I just knew it was the beginning to the end. That day was the last day he ever wore that wedding band.
As I begged God to bring him home, I remember thinking, why didn’t I have hope. Why didn’t I ask God for hope? Why didn’t I show my husband there was hope?
My marriage did end later that year and it was a divorce I would never want any women to bear. It was a time that felt like there was little hope and when you don’t have the faith you need to preserve, you begin to feel there is no hope for yourself to recover which is not a good place to be. This is why I am very passionate about reconciliation and restoration for a marriage.
My divorce didn’t bring bitterness about the structure of marriage, in contrary it brought me revelation that there is always hope in God to restore and that is what I did not fully comprehend or give a chance to in my marriage.
If your marriage is in a place that feels like nothing can help or restore, I am here to tell you, there is. Marriage is hard, hurtful, exhausting, and sometimes just plain ruthless but it doesn’t have to be. We as wives can make the difference by bringing in the spirit of hope into our marriage.
That day I walked into my home and felt it empty was a day that I wished I had walked into my home all the days before with the spirit of hope on me. If I was able to feel the spirit of emptiness that day, then why couldn’t I have brought in the spirit of hope all the other days? Why couldn’t I have showed him I wasn’t willing to give up, knowing it wasn’t what I wanted.
Rebekah and Jen just released their first book together “Hope for the Hurting Wife”. I anxiously asked them to share with my readers their experience in their marriage to show what the book is about. I am a advocate for saving a marriage that can be saved and that it all starts with us as an individual to make it happen. This book speaks volumes to me of what God can do to restore. I truly hope you receive what Rebekah and Jen has to share. Their experiences and testimonies are overwhelmingly anointed with hope for any hurting wife.
Hope for the Hurting Wife
I expected great things for my new marriage. I loved my husband, we were committed to the Lord and to each other, so I expected our relationship to grow well and to be strong. The funny thing about expectations is that you have to share them; they aren’t just learned by being in the same room together. Those early years were a struggle to communicate effectively with each other. Maybe we never got it quite right, because about 14 years later, I sat frozen, paralyzed with fear as my marriage crumbled around me. Hadn’t we promised, “for better or for worse”? How had we grown so far apart without me even realizing it?
I was completely at a loss for how to move forward. How do you hold onto hope in a situation that seems so desperate? This was a lesson for my heart that started on the worst day of my life. While this was the darkest time of my life, it was a time when God taught me more about His redemption. He reminded my heart that there is no one, no situation, no story that is too far gone for God to redeem. It was in those first months that He asked me to wait and to see how He would redeem my heart and my marriage.
Over time, God began to heal my heart. He showed me that I could have hope and trust in Him, and over time, I was able to rebuild trust and hope with my husband. He and I started to work on our communication in a way that we never had before. We gave each other permission to be fully honest, to withhold judgment and to approach our communication and our marriage as a team.
Hope for the Hurting Wife offers practical suggestions for many situations that we all face in marriage. We share scriptural insights and convey a hope that endures, even when marriage is hard. If you’re wondering if there’s hope, if you’re looking for a reminder that God can still redeem, we hope you’ll pick up a copy of Hope for the Hurting Wife and let our experiences encourage you.
I thought I would be stuck in a loveless marriage forever, that’s how bad it was during the dark years. Sometimes my greatest desire was to hold my husband and reassure him that all would be right, while other times I couldn’t even stand to look at him.
This kind of struggling marriage wasn’t at all what we had planned or expected when we stood before God and witnesses and pledged ’til death do us part.’
Looking back, I see clearly the spiritual battle that took place both in my marriage and in my faith, as well as my husband’s. I believed so many lies for so long about my husband’s inability to change, about my inability to overcome, even about the very roots of our relationship to begin with. The Enemy is so good at planting doubt, isn’t he?
In my darkest, most desperate moments, I lost all hope.
I was a hurting wife who just wanted out.
Praise be to God for the wise and godly women in my life. They didn’t encourage me to seek a “better life” for myself like many do today. They didn’t say, “You have to make yourself happy.” Instead, they sat with me in my sorrow, prayed with me in my pain, and whispered words of encouragement from the Word. By the grace of God, I have confidence in my marriage today because of Christ.
Friend, the world is quick to toss marriage away when it no longer fulfills, no longer brings joy. We need more women who will choose to fight for marriage like warrior wives. We need more women who will stand bravely, despite the mocking of others, and call on the power of the Most High God to redeem the broken places and bind up their wounds. That’s what our book, Hope for the Hurting Wife is all about; helping women from all walks of life work through the pain to discover a hope that lasts!
God gave Rebekah a front row seat to the work of His redemption in her marriage. After surviving the initial trauma, she determined to fix her eyes solely on Jesus and trusted Him to carry her through the storm that followed. Rebekah shares not only her heartache, but also her great hope with other wives so they might know God still redeems, even in the toughest of circumstances. Now, years later, she praises God for restoring her marriage. Rebekah co-leads an online community for struggling wives around the world and shares encouragement for those who face the daunting task of surviving the “for worse” of marriage. You can learn more about her ministry to wives at her blog, Sharing Redemption’s Stories. You’ll also find her on Facebook and Pinterest.
Grown missionary kid, mother of four, and wife to a church planter, Jen Stults is a work-in-progress woman who seeks to find confidence in Christ alone. As a disciple-maker, author, and speaker, she encourages women who feel frustrated by failure and plagued by perfectionism. Her heart’s desire is for women everywhere to experience the abundant life God has planned for them by finding freedom in their identity in Christ. She writes about the struggle to embrace everyday grace in the areas of faith, marriage, and parenting at her blog, Being Confident of This. You can also find her on Facebook and Pinterest.