Marriage

How to Change the ‘Approach’ in Marriage.

He Did It Wrong Again…

I’m not going to lie. Every time my husband steps in to be helpful, he ends up doing things wrong differently than I would. Just this week, I have been recovering from a cold coupled with severe exhaustion from my pregnancy. My husband, the sweetest man I know, has insisted I rest as much as possible. Every night, he has taken it upon himself to clean, make dinner, put away dishes, and the like. I am beyond thankful for his help, but every time I look over he is doing things wrong differently again!! I tell you what, it takes every ounce of self restraint within me to not scold him.

 

A lot of women would choose to correct their husbands. In fact, it’s a pretty common sight in this day and age. So, why am I not jumping on the bandwagon to retrain my man? Simple. Respect

 

Ouch, that’s kind of a dirty word in some circles. Respect, submission, service, self-sacrifice; all these words have the misfortune of being associated with other, less-than-tasteful adjective in many women’s minds. Society has crafted an incredible campaign to convince us that these things are not for the modern woman. We are to be independent, strong, confident and in-control! Nowhere on the sign-up list does it say that “respect” is intended for our vocabulary – unless it pertains to ourselves. We answer to no one!

 

All that may sound great to you, but when we withdraw respect from the equation of our marriages, we are in for a lot of trouble.

 

At the very core of unity, we find love and respect. In Ephesians 5, Paul instructs husbands to love their wives and for wives to respect their husbands. In fact, love and respect go hand-in-hand! Author Emerson Eggerichs points out that, “his love motivates her respect; her respect motivates his love.” It’s a giant circle, kind of like a wedding band. In order to be loved as we truly crave, we must extend this powerful thing to our men. It doesn’t work any other way.

How we demonstrate respect can vary depending on the situation. Discernment isn’t naturally categorized as respect in our minds, but it truly is an important piece to the puzzle.

 

Part of being a Godly wife is deciding which battles are truly worth fighting and which are simply Satan’s way of creating division. Many times, respect is the conscious decision to acknowledge our husbands as capable men who don’t need “raised” or babied. The truth is that we didn’t marry our husbands so that we could train them to put the dishes away “properly.” We married our men to become one flesh and glorify God in the process.

 

So, what do we do when our husbands decide to do things differently?

 

First, we can choose to keep our mouths shut. Marriage does not give us a free pass to criticize and correct our men whenever we please. On the contrary, it binds us together as a team and part of teamwork is willingly letting other people complete tasks in whatever manner they see fit. Christ calls us to pick our battles. And this, most certainly, is a battle not worth fighting.

 

Second, we need to occupy ourselves elsewhere. We are most tempted to control other people when we are not busy with something else. So, give yourself an excuse to read that magazine, organize your shoes, or slap on some polish. It’ll be worth it in the end!

 

Control is a slippery slope that we are all prone to slide down. Knowing how to exhibit self-control can save ourselves from arguments. Even though I don’t always appreciate how my husband handles certain tasks, I choose to be thankful that he is helping out instead of fret over his methods. Yes, I find myself tweaking things a day or two later, but it’s a blessing to have a break from certain things once in awhile.

 

Next time you find yourself wanting to jump over the couch and correct your man, take a deep breath. Think of at least three reasons you are thankful for him and then casually leave the room. As hard as it is for us to believe sometimes, there isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach to housework. In fact, we may learn a thing or two if we just let him continue on in his own way.

 

Respecting our husband begins with the decision to not correct in situations that really don’t matter. It takes discernment and self-control, but in the end we will be less stressed for it! And until he ruins something, he hasn’t done it wrong yet. But take heart! With a lot of prayer you might discover that one (or both) of you begin to change in your approach to the little things.

 

    Hannah Bowers is a passionate follower of Jesus Christ, compelling speaker, and founder of the Young Wives Club. Currently residing in Colorado Springs with her husband, you will most likely find her multitasking with her laptop, the laundry, and a food concoction in the kitchen. For more great thoughts from Hannah, visit Young-wives.com

You may also connect with Hannah at:

Website: Young Wives Club

Facebook Group: Young Wives Private Facebook Group

Facebook Page: Young Wives Facebook Page

 

 

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8 Comments

  • Reply
    Jennifer
    January 18, 2017 at 1:10 pm

    Great post, thanks so much for sharing it, God is so good, because I have been dealing with this all morning – just because his way is different doesn’t mean it’s wrong *insert a big sigh here*
    Thank you again, God bless you

  • Reply
    Laura Thomas
    January 18, 2017 at 12:42 pm

    Oh goodness, this is so wonderfully practical! It may be just a little thing, but it can grow into something super ugly in a marriage if we’re not quick to nip the critical spirit in the bud! Plus it works both ways 😉 Thanks for sharing!
    Laura Thomas recently posted…WHEN WE SMELL LIKE GRACE…My Profile

  • Reply
    Diane
    January 18, 2017 at 12:40 pm

    This was a great reminder for me since I can tend to be one of those ‘if you want something done right’ kinda people…I can fall into the trap of being critical very easily…thank you for this!!!

  • Reply
    Desiree Montalvo
    January 18, 2017 at 10:12 am

    That was an amazing post. Oh, how I need to hear those words. Yes, I will admit I do not know how to do this thing “control”, gracefully! Thank you for the reminder to breathe and walk away. Three things, three things..I will keep this in mind all week when I want to jump over the couch and correct what is God’s place to mold.

  • Reply
    Patty
    January 18, 2017 at 10:08 am

    Next time you find yourself wanting to jump over the couch and correct your man, take a deep breath. Think of at least three reasons you are thankful for him and then casually leave the room. Yes! So true! Love this post! Respect is so key to a healthy marriage!

    God bless,
    Patty

  • Reply
    Nicole Young
    January 18, 2017 at 9:54 am

    I totally resonate with this post! As someone who gets made fun of at home for my OCD tendencies, I struggle with this. Not only with my husband, but with my kids. I have to be very careful to just be thankful that they did something and not try to always ‘fix it’. Respect and Love definitely form a circle, but once you are inside the ring, it’s so worth it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Reply
    Tatyana Levchyk
    January 18, 2017 at 9:13 am

    Loved this post! I am always working on myself to appreciate his help rather than tell him how to do it the “right way”. It truly requires self-control but it’s so worth it at the end! Thank you for sharing!

  • Reply
    Joy DeKok
    January 18, 2017 at 9:01 am

    This line: “…when we withdraw respect from the equation of our marriages, we are in for a lot of trouble.” I try to keep my mouth shut but sometimes fail miserably. Your suggestion to “find something else to do” is full of wisdom! I do this and if Jon asks what I’m doing we suddenly have a brand new subject to talk about!

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